Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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