Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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