oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
