i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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