Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
