I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
