omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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