the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
