then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
