After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
