im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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