I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
