he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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