One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
