By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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