So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
