Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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