I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
