Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
