i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
