First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
