You made me cry and you don't even care
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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