Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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