break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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