Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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