you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
