i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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