So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
