im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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