he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize