i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
