i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
