aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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