apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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