3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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