once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
