I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
