Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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