Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
