i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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