hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
