Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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