I just saw a hot homeless man
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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