Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need to align my fucking chakras
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