Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
