I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
