I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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