I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
