Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
