my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
