lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
