so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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