Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
