You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
