I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
