shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
