Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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