i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
