Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went