If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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