i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.