I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain