I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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