Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more

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(864): View more from South Carolina

If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would

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(925): View more from California

Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

dibs on John Mayer's hood pass

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(205): View more from Alabama

you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!

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(641): View more from Iowa

she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...

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(618): View more from Illinois

She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off

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