The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
