Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?