Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

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(314): View more from Missouri

shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.

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(561): View more from Florida

so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same

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(919): View more from North Carolina

my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(912): View more from Georgia

He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.

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(217): View more from Illinois

You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic

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(503): View more from Oregon

Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity

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(260): View more from Indiana

I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.

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