That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
