You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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