So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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