I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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