that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
