My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
