so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize