College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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