So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
