you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
