The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
