he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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