its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
